Jogging. My galloping enemy. Not that I hate the act of jogging so much as the knowing better alternatives out there who, if present, warrant much better benefits. I guess one could argue that there is the health benefit or that some joggers get a potential high from this. Which I can believe. One would have to be high to say you know what I feel like doing right now? Running. Yes. Going out into the frigid cold or the summer’s heat in clothing not meant for the public’s eye just...because. Clothing still designed by some 80's factory for the sheer purpose of blinding my windshield as I drive past with their bright neon hues like giant reflective fish lures, baiting my eyes from the road ahead. Now the ones that truly give me whiplash are the lulu lemon/mini skirt/crop top wearing gorgeous bouncing beauties, defying all weather patterns (and bra weight limits) rain/sleet/snow - these women are real troopers and the real reason for car accidents, fender benders, just crashing things in general , your our true heroes, god bless you all.
Now the real reason people jog is not for health reasons, no, I believe the true reason jogging was invented for fundraising. The first jogger might have been dying from something like cancer, rabies, or STD's (sorry its STI's now), but what I think they were really dying from was an excuse to run and not be made fun of. Because it's kind of weird...or gay. I haven't decided. Nowadays the first word that pops into your head when you hear the word fundraiser is running. Run for the cure, Moonlight Run, Run for poor Timmy's asthma, the beer run, it’s all a big scam to get you to do something you don't want to do but do anyways. They almost make you feel bad too if you don't join like you’re the bad guy: "What? You like cancer bro? Don't you wanna stop cancer? My mother died from cancer blah blah blah" Which is a pretty good tactic to pull on the old heart strings. If you have some. I already donate…to the hard working mothers down at the strip clubs, a good cause I can get behind. And if me running were to stop any malady permanently, I'd crawl off the couch, dust the boots off, and run till the end where a cure is given to poor Timmy and we all can move on with our lives. But I probably wouldn't. Probably because it wouldn't stop there. You can't seem to get away from the monthly guilt train of marathons and thus were bombarded with this in our daily lives so other people can feel good about running for a purpose. Sorry that train left for me a long time ago.
And don't even get me on the walkers. Something almost anyone can do, and we do, on a regular basis, throughout the day, without thinking, and this for some reason is an Olympic sport minus the sport part. Since the beginning man has walked and ran, until they were able to tame horses, then horses were the main mode of transportation for thousands of years because they were faster and they could carry daily supplies for us and their amazing with cool names like Man O' War, War Admiral, Seabiscuit and Clip Clop. Only until this past century have we been blessed with the technological advancements to travel long distances in minutes and hours vs. days/weeks! Why would I agree to step back to something anyone throughout time has done time and time again? We live in this glorious age of automobiles, be thankful! The day I was old enough to get a driver’s license with a bad teen mustache, was the day I said so long to my bike, and you know why? Because it is better in every sense. I wouldn't put it past people to one day fundraise a walk for those that love to walk for the sake of walking in memorial of all those that have fallen in the line of walking for the walking cause dedicated to the man who invented walking, Mr. Walker III....Because only an idiot with numbers after their name would come up with something like they invented walking what it is today. Probably so he could pick up a woman. Or a Man. Yep. Walking for a cause is a gay one. Yeah I decided.