Monday, 6 August 2012

Determining Blood Type

I was talking to the wife the other day and the topic of our blood types came up. She reminded me that she had already let the blood clinic know she was unable to give blood for the next 9 months. I never really thought of it but I guess pregnant women don't give blood seeing how they are already donating it to another human being. She is O negative. I know this because I have heard it many times before. I noticed that people with a rare blood type love to let you know they have a rare blood type.  I'll bug her that it’s not as rare as AB negative.  She gives me the stink eye.
I chuckle.

I for one have no intention of giving blood or receiving it in the near future and thus do not know my own blood type. I once asked my parents if they knew what my blood type was and instead all I got was lesson in the Greek alphabet. "You’re a  A, B, no wait a O,  E?" No matter, I figure that one day if I wake up and notice that my pancreas has decided to part ways from my internal organs,  and join the liver parade, I will call the Doc up, and  he'll fix me up, and send me on my merry way. Simple.
I prefer to a have an older doctor, one that looks like Gandalf the White not Gandalf the Grey. I want the man that fought the Balrog to the lowest dungeon of Moria and climbed the endless stairs back out. Someone who has seen the lowest, darkest, dirtiest, most rotten infested pits of mankind and has survived. One that has been around it long enough at this point in his life he could probably just look at you and go "He looks like an A type, hold on, look at the way he's leaning on that bench,  He's a B, Ya, defiantly a B type."

Then I wonder.

Can Vampires tell what blood type you are? And if they do, do they complement the blood like a sommelier? On the same note do they compare our blood to different regions of the globe like fine wines? And does age matter? How would that conversation go?

Draconis - "Here taste this blood its type B negative, just brought in from California, a boy aged 18 years!"
Paul - "Was he from a city or the valley?"
D - I dunno, city I believe"
P - "Hmmm I prefer the valley, city folk age quicker"
D- "Age quicker?  He’s the same age regardless of where he lives!"
P - "Ya, but stress."
D - "Stress?"
P - "It makes you age quicker."
D - "No it doesn't."
P - "It does."
D - "No it doesn't. I don't believe that. I cannot"
P - "It’s true just ask Harry."
P - *yells*"Hey Harry!"
P - "Last week he brought a girl in from New York aged 26 years, tasted like 46"
D - "You’re joking."
P - "No wait just ask him - here he is"
Harry - "Hey guys what’s up?"
P - "I was just telling Draconis here about that girl you brought in last week"
H - "The one from New York? The O positive that tasted like twice her age?"
P - "Yeah that’s the one."
D - "Ridiculous." 
H - "I do apologize. I thought I picked up a fresh college student, but after the tasting I decided to look in her wallet and I discovered she’s been a paralegal for 5 years."
P - "See stress."
D - "Oh Shut up.”
H - "On a "positive" note she was a blood donor" *laughs*
D - "Ugh. I don't believe it."
H - "No its true, see here is her donor card."
D - "No I meant how a woman aged 26 years can taste twice her age."
P - "It's the stress of city"
D - "No it’s not. There is no undead way you can taste the stress. It's Untastable. No taste!"
P - "Tastes gamey."
D- “Impossible!"
H - "No I do agree with Paul here. I usually avoid picking up strays in the city for the very same reasons I also avoid farmers. To earthy for me."
D - "Earthy? What a person does with their life does not affect the taste of their blood."
P - "If you don't believe us just ask Eric the Red over there."
D - "No don't ask-"
P - *Yells* ERIC!
D - *sigh* "I hate that guy"
H - "What’s wrong with Eric? He’s good people."
D - "He's just vulgar...all the time. I don't think he can go a single sentence without making our kind look bad."
P - "I like him."
D - "You would."
Eric the Red -"Whazzzzup motha fuckas!"
D - *rolls eyes*
E - "How’s my favorite blood sucking bitches?! haHa!"
P, D, H - "Hey Eric"
E - "Whatcha fucking stalkers talking about over here?"
H - "We were trying to explain to Draconis here how certain people taste differently depending on their occupation"
E - "Bwahaha Fuck Me D, how long have you been a count for?"
D - "I'd rather not. And again for the record, it’s impossible to taste any sort of vocation, regardless of stress. Age, ect. ect. We have like 8 flavors, 8! There's no more to talk about. That's it. That's all. Done. End of discussion. Fineato. Finished."
E - "Obviously you didn't taste that sad excuse for a fucking 26 year old that Harry dragged in here last week. That plasma has gone Souwa!"
P - *Chuckles*
E - "Take fucking chuckles here, he will only hunt the living on the beach because he thinks everyone else tastes too-"
P - "Gamey"
E - "Right Gamey. And fucking Harry here will only sample women in fear that the blood of men will make him turn gay."
H - "Well it might."
D - "What? No! There is absolutely no way shape or form that drinking the blood of men will make you gay. Even if it comes from a gay man."
E - "Me on the other hand could give two shits whether it comes from a living man, woman or child, just as long as it’s fresh."
D - "Finally. Now somebody is talking some sense."
E - "Oh except redheads - I can't take’ m."
D - "Can't take’ m? What do you mean you can't take’ m."
E - "I'm allergic to them. That shit coagulates my blood worse than that time Paul "accidentally" flew into the back of that mixing truck! Ha-ha"
P - "Not funny."
D - "That's it. I've I had it. I can't take this anymore. I can't handle this BS. I'm done. I'm out." *turns into a bat and fly’s away*
P - "Why did you have to go mention the cement truck incident? Now he's buggered off."
E - "Fucking chillax, could be worse, I could have told him about that beaver mascot."
H - "Do tell!"
P - "No!"
E - Oh man! My bloodsucking friend here one night drank about 14 pints of cows blood that turned,  He got so fucking hammered that he tried sucking the stuffing out of the beaver mascot at the local high school."
P - "That's enough."
E - "Oh man, He couldn't figure it out, he just kept sucking and sucking! Ha-ha"
P - "Stop it."
E - "Hahaha *tears up* the look on his face, ha-ha Fucking priceless! Ha-ha"
P - "You’re such a dick."
H - "Hahaha"
*end*

No comments:

Post a Comment